A Year of Pleasures: lessons learned

“Courage does not always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, 'I will try again tomorrow.”
― Mary Anne Radmacher

taken on the road back from edmonton

today
i am neither here nor there
i am now & forever in between
i am
unfinished

before my friend died years ago
we spoke a lot of the mundanes
we laughed at them too
i think we laughed a lot at others
i always think of how little we knew about life
and how we thought that courage meant bravery and loudness
and simply the opposite of resignation

yesterday i found out that another friend
- not close but family through marriage died
heartbreaking
is that a word or a feeling?
i can't tell

but the words
these words...
death
died
suicide

the force of those words propelled in my direction
and all i could do was resign to the deafening pulsing in my ears
the truth is
i don't know much about life
but i stayed up for hours thinking about it