If you're wondering why there's glitter all over my floor, the questions is doesn't everyone have sparkle and glitter all over their floors? One of the perks of having little creative kiddies I suppose...
This year, my year of pleasures I will be lifting some serious weights.
I started thinking about it a few months ago. I reached out to some awesome bloggers who know their stuff, and I guess I do too (at least as a former athlete), but then I swiftly jumped off the exercise train and scaled the wall of over-indulgence (I must tell you about this later). In retrospect, my issue was not about exercising, or health, I was just super tired from work and family duties.
In the now my issue is two-fold. I have a lot of food restrictions, and I hate my weight. I hate my weight because I am not used to seeing myself this way. So one might ask, why not work towards self-acceptance? The answer is that I just had a baby 2 years ago and before that 3 years before, and before that 1 year before. All of those pregnancies were high-risk, so I haven't had a lot of time to exercise-even doing yoga made me nervous.
I am forever- well in the last 8 years trying to be the "right" weight. Five kids later and I am still stuck in the mud of weight and weight loss. Due to this, I don't like to shop. I don't like to buy clothes. No, it's not because I don't like to see myself in clothes, it's because in the back of my mind THAT outfit is waaaay too expensive, and would only be worth it if was 10 pounds lighter...those pants would be nice BUT when I lose weight I won't fit in them... You get the picture -it's crazy.
To start off the new year, which is technically to celebrate the weaning of my LAST baby ever, I went shopping. I tried to get those thoughts out of my head, but the problem is that it was just not the right time to shop. The issue is that I JUST weaned, and in reality (no denial here) I am carrying around a bit of extra weight. Well at least if I know my body then that's the truth.
All in all I chose some outfits that were practical and nice. I bought pants, because, and I am being honest, pants have become the bane of my existence in the past few years - I really don't know why, but I think part of it is because I am no longer proportioned the way I used to be.
So I bought 2 pairs of pants to wear with my tunics or my salwar kameez and 1 pair of leather pants. I also bought 2 dresses, and a jacket. I think I'm getting to the point that I can accept the actual weight bit. But when I put on clothes I start to reject all sense of reasoning and logic. Yes, I still hold on to my size 0 pants - all of them, I am not yet free of the longing to be petite and delicate- which in itself is a laughing matter, and plain stupid!
This year, my year of pleasures I will be lifting some serious weights.
I started thinking about it a few months ago. I reached out to some awesome bloggers who know their stuff, and I guess I do too (at least as a former athlete), but then I swiftly jumped off the exercise train and scaled the wall of over-indulgence (I must tell you about this later). In retrospect, my issue was not about exercising, or health, I was just super tired from work and family duties.
I am forever- well in the last 8 years trying to be the "right" weight. Five kids later and I am still stuck in the mud of weight and weight loss. Due to this, I don't like to shop. I don't like to buy clothes. No, it's not because I don't like to see myself in clothes, it's because in the back of my mind THAT outfit is waaaay too expensive, and would only be worth it if was 10 pounds lighter...those pants would be nice BUT when I lose weight I won't fit in them... You get the picture -it's crazy.
To start off the new year, which is technically to celebrate the weaning of my LAST baby ever, I went shopping. I tried to get those thoughts out of my head, but the problem is that it was just not the right time to shop. The issue is that I JUST weaned, and in reality (no denial here) I am carrying around a bit of extra weight. Well at least if I know my body then that's the truth.
All in all I chose some outfits that were practical and nice. I bought pants, because, and I am being honest, pants have become the bane of my existence in the past few years - I really don't know why, but I think part of it is because I am no longer proportioned the way I used to be.
So I bought 2 pairs of pants to wear with my tunics or my salwar kameez and 1 pair of leather pants. I also bought 2 dresses, and a jacket. I think I'm getting to the point that I can accept the actual weight bit. But when I put on clothes I start to reject all sense of reasoning and logic. Yes, I still hold on to my size 0 pants - all of them, I am not yet free of the longing to be petite and delicate- which in itself is a laughing matter, and plain stupid!
